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[ Watch The Birdie, Episode IV - A New Hope (Page 2) ] Week 2 - San Francisco 49ers (1-0) @ Arizona Cardinals (1-0) -4 Our first home game of 2005 sees us playing host to most pundits' pre-season prediction for the NFC West cellar - although last week saw San Francisco upsetting the form-book by turning the ever-inconsistent Rams over 23-21. The Niner offence is built around two young players. Under centre is 2nd-year QB Jeremiah Ricks, whose excellent mobility and huge arm seems to blind the San Francisco braintrust to the fact that he'd have trouble hitting the broad side of a barn best two out of three. Behind him is rookie halfback Quincy Hamm, who's quick and fast but a smidge flimsy. Out wide, the follow the current NFL fashion of having one outstanding receiver (Owens, who's not really had a big game against us in four attempts and so is about due) and absolutely sod-all else (the legendary Desmond Sparks and Arnaz "You're Making These Names Up Now" Battle). On defence, the big weakness looks to be the secondary, with an injury to Jason Webster moving your friend and mine, Mike "Hapless" Rumph up to a starting spot opposite Ahmed Plummer. And if he can cover Bryant Johnson without help (like being armed with a tranquiliser gun), then I'm one of the Dallas Cowgirls. - It's August in Arizona, and that means hot. Damned hot. Hotter than the fires of Hell. As I may have mentioned before. As is traditional, I completely forget about this fact, and send my team out in dark-coloured jerseys. If we end up suffering from heat-exhaustion and lose this game in the last quarter, I'll have no-one but myself to blame. Actually, that's not quite true. I'll probably blame Dave Campo, even though he's not working for us any more, and J*r*me B*tt*s, even though he's not in the league any more. That's just the kind of guy I am. There's none of the fireworks that characterised the start of last week's game, with both teams feeling each other out early doors. In fact, of the two teams the Niners are having by far the better of the exchanges with their young quarterback's scrambling ability proving particularly annoying. We're just about keeping them under wraps, but I can feel a big play coming, and it arrives soon enough - the only surprise being which team gets it. Ricks sees a crease and takes off through it and has picked up enough yardage for a first down before Levar Fisher gets across, wrapping Ricks up and getting a hand in to jar the ball loose on the way down. Jed Bowden dives on the rock and we've got a first down. After almost an entire quarter of ineffective thrashing, Shipp's finally making a bit of progress and that opens up the offence for the vertical game. Shaun McDonald goes in, out then up, losing the poor sod of a linebacker who's trying to cover him in the process, and keeps his eyes on the ball all the way into his hands despite the safety closing in to hit him as soon as the catch is made - great play, 26 yard gain that sets up Johnno to open the scoring, as is traditional. Most of the rest of the half is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Whatshisface misses a long field-goal and Jeff Blake throws his first pick of the season looking for Freddie Jones over the middle, but even that attempt to inject a bit of excitement comes to nothing as Smith, the intercepting linebacker, gets the ball stripped by Roberto Garza before he can even think about returning it, and guard Pete Kendall recovers. Yes, it's all pretty dull until The Last Two Minutes Of A Half, an opponent who's probably scored more points against us than all the rest put together... "Other than the Green Bay Packers, obviously." Other than the... oh, piss off until the post-season, will you? ...sees the Niners shoot straight downfield like the defence isn't even there, with the twin running threats of Ricks and Hamm opening holes up in our secondary. The drive culminates with Ricks finding a lane straight through our zone coverage and hitting the legendary Arnaz Battle to level the scores up at the half. Sachinfrachinrachindefensivebattles... SF 7-7 ARI - God, it's a nice change to have a defence I can halfway-rely on to keep things close. Now, if only the offence could sort itself ou... Ah. The first drive after the half, and a sack plus a penalty puts us firmly up a certain creek lacking a certain implement facing a 3rd and 25. We come to the line in the three-wide formation that sees our five best receivers - Anq, Johnno, Macca, Jonesy and, er, Brian Westbrook, a man plainly in search of a nickname - all on the field at the same time. As the defence shifts, Jeff Blake reads an incoming blitz. He looks left, sees what looks for all the world like single-coverage on Anquan Boldin and throws him a hand-signal that tells the big guy to take off on a fade straight up the sideline. Blake takes the snap, rolls away from heat and launches a ballistic missile up in Anquan's general direction. The corner, Ahmed Plummer, never even looks back and Boldin just goes up and gets it - 41 yards, first down at the 69er 12.
Irritatingly, we can't fully capitalise, and it falls to Thingamajig to hit a point-blank trey to put us back in the lead. Back out comes Jeremiah Ricks (wasn't he a character in Sleepy Hollow?) then, two plays later back in goes Jeremiah Ricks as the 2nd year QB tries to get just a bit too cute trying to drift a delicate little pass in to Quincy Hamm out of the backfield - Jed Bowden sneaks out of the short zone for an easy pick, trots 20 yards back to the endzone and just like that a tie-game has become a ten-point lead. SF 7-17 ARI Both offences are back to the sputtering form of the first half, and the third quarter ends with another error of judgement from the 69er signal-caller, trying to force a ball into Terrell Owens despite tight double-coverage and handing a rare interception to strong safety Adrian Wilson.
Once again, we can't make the most of it, and the fourth quarter continues with the kind of "after you", "No, please - after you!" pattern that I'd be more worried about were we not two scores ahead. With time running down, San Francisco seem to realise that they probably ought to get their gold-lycra'd arses in gear if they're entertaining any possibility of winning this game. Down the field they go, visiting our red-zone for only the second time all afternoon. But with the crowd roaring and Calvin Pace coming off the edge to apply pressure, Hicks tries to squeeze the ball in to Arnaz Battle at the back of the endzone but succeeds only in securing Defensive Player Of The Week honours for Jed Bowden as the corner intercepts his second pass of the day and his fourth in two games. Has the defensive playmaking torch been passed? Are we looking at Nu-No-Mark? The 69ers get a very late figgie, but it's much too little, much too late. ARI 17-10 SF, and we move to 2-0. [
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